I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My penis needs a shock collar
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
