If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
