I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
