please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
