Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How does one acquire holy water?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
