I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
