U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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