i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
