Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Randomize