come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
