How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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