Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My cat gives me a boner
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
