her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she looked like the before picture.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
