I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
