and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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