My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
