Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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