I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize