walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
