I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
