I could make wine with my vomit
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
