I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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