So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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