Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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