the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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