.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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