wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
