Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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