You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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