She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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