Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize