is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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