someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
