She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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