I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
