I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
