I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
