I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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