i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you would pick up someone in the library
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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