think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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