hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
