Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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