you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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