quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am naked and annoyed.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
