u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
