I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
