i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize