These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't put those talents on a resume
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
