I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
