Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
