the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
