i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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