Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
