well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
