I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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