do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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