Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
