i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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