I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
