I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
