Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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