Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
