Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
