Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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