we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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