I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
