Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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