He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
