shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
