I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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